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10/15/06 10:02 pm - peakechick

Dear Dr. Snackmonkey,

Hello!  I've only been a part of this community for a little while, but after reading your responses to other people's queries, I see that you're good enough to take them seriously, and would appreciate immensely any advice you could give me.

I am seventeen years old and will be graduating from high school this June, and while I'm excited beyond words at the prospect of going to university, I am getting very upset about the...well, the pissing contest that college applications are turing out to be this year.  All of my nerd-friends (and I am also a nerd of the highest order, make no mistake) are chattering about Princeton this and MIT that, and when they turn around to ask me where I'm applying, expecting some fabulously fabulous, prestigious name, I tell them my first choices are a pair of in-state schools--very good ones, but nonetheless, not Ivy League.  And they get this smug glow about them, sort of, 'oh, well you must not be as smart as we thought you were!  HA!' And they turn back to their Ivy-fest.  That, or they get on my ass: 'But you're so SMART!  You got a blah blah on your SATs, and blah blah on your AP exams!  What's WRONG with you?!'  One of them even had the nerve to pull the big-brother act: 'You know [name], you really aren't being reasonable; when I was at Stanford for a tour, they TOLD me...'  

I want to scream back: 'Then shut up and move to Stanford/Columbia/Oxford already, and leave me alone!' 

It is driving me CRAZY that people think I'm just crapping out, not applying to these schools, when the real reason is a combination of a lack of money and a lack of interest.  I have no desire to go into the Ivy League, and I know I don't have to justify that feeling to my friends, but I cannot seem to get rid of the anger and embarrassment I feel whenever they start conversations about colleges.  Am I just being subconsciously vain and childish, wanting the ooohs and aaahs that they're getting when they talk about their schools?  Or am I not shooting high enough?  Have you any suggestions on how to get rid of some of this frustration?

Thanks very much for your time.
~Upset in Seattle

11/29/05 10:00 pm - pandoras_closet

Dear Dr. Snackmonkey

Why does seeing these bottles make me want to hit people with them?
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Yours,
Questionably Sane in California
 

11/29/05 03:24 pm - drsnackamonk

Dear Dr. Snackmonkey,

My issue is one that revolves around a boy. Yes, a boy. Anyway, my situation thus far is this:

I recently met this guy, Gio (alias), and I've gotten advice about him from two friends. Friend A, an extremely close friend, said not to get involved with him. When asked why, Friend A replies that Gio is very much so into sex, and if sex is held back, then Gio'll break things off with the girl. Friend B, who is a friend, but closer to Gio, says that Gio really does like me and that he has never known Gio to break up with a girl simply because she refused to give him sex.

I am not a prude, but neither do I take sex lightly. If he pressures me for sex, then I'll obviously retaliate and most likely be a bit angry at him. But I don't want to become attached to a person who will treat me like that. However, as Friend B says, he "isn't like that," even though he has gotten around the block quite a few times.

The above is just background info. I pretty much know what I want to do in regards to that, though if you have any advice, my ears are open. :)

The situation comes down to this: I like him. He likes me. We both know this. But, he has also just recently gotten out of a relationship and though he told me he is interested me, that he likes me, he doesn't want a relationship "right now". My response to that was 'Okay, sure, we can take it slow.'

But I'm an impatient person. And, frankly, I'm extremely confused because we've held hands in public and will hug each other. Nothing at all sexual, but I have no idea where this line of "no relationship" is. Does he just mean that he doesn't want to be exclusive, yet, or he doesn't want others to view him as taken? I've covered this topic vaguely with him a couple times in the past few days, and I'm hesitant to ask him anything else because I don't want to nag him and have him annoyed with me, or something.

Anyway, thanks for any and all help.

Confused and slightly distressed,
Guys equate problems.


Dear C&sD...Collapse )
 

11/28/05 10:09 am - drmonkeysnack

Dear SnackMonkey,

Recently my best friend moved into my house on a long-term temporary basis. We get along great, but I'm getting a little annoyed with one part of her behavior. When we lived together back in '96-'98 the only big issue we ever had was cleaning dishes. At that time we didn't have a dishwasher and it would get to be a battle of wills on who would wash. There were many times that every plate and glass we owned were dirty. This time I figured, I have a dishwasher! It will be all resolved! Um, no. She has no qualms about making a pot of soup, not eating all of it and leaving it on the stove for days. Ick. Last night I cooked spaghetti for both of us and told her it was her turn to do the dishes. She told me that she feels badly for not carrying her weight with the kitchen and house clean up and that most definitely she would do them. Apparently that didn't mean that she would clean them last night since they were still dirty this morning. The sink is full, there are pots on the stove (including the pot of soup from two nights ago). Tonight the plan is to cook pork chops and yams. She e-mailed me that she is working late, and will be home for dinner by 8:30-9:00. (By which point I'll be starving) I'm not sure who was going to cook - that I don't care about - but I can't cook with a dirty kitchen and a sink full of dishes. I'm the type to clean as I go, or at least right after dinner. And I'm every so slightly peeved that to have dinner tonight I'll have to clean the kitchen. We're both adults and we've joked about how there are certain things that I'm really anally retentive about. And I think I've let those items go - like having the utensils in a certain order in the drawer or things in a certain place in the fridge. I'm trying to let them go. But I don't think that having the dishes cleaned after dinner is something unreasonable. Frankly, having dirty dishes sit around on the counter and in the sink is disgusting to me.

There are other things going on that I could be really ticked off about - like her cats being mean to mine or her one cat peeing and shitting on the living room carpet for a few weeks after moving in. Or the fact that my roommate has yet to order the stuff to clean the carpet. But those things really don't bother me like the dishes do.

Am I being unreasonable? How shall I approach this without being demanding?

Sincerely,

Distressed with Dishes


Dear Dishy,Collapse )

9/26/05 06:56 pm - lokifin

Dear Dr. Snackmonkey,

My husband and I have been married for five years. I'll call him Tom. We have two small children, so if he wants to go out to a bar on the weekend, I stay home with the kids. I'm a homemaker, and I don't have any friends in the area, so I don't go out to bars. And that's fine; I never liked bars in the first place, so it's no loss to me.

The problem arises when he doesn't come home when he said he would, and he doesn't call to tell me when he'll be home. Usually, this is just mildly exasperating, but last night, it just went too far. Tom went out to a bar around 9 PM to celebrate a friend's birthday. I'll call her Amy. There was a group of four or five of them, and since Amy is recently divorced, I was feeling a little sorry for her. Tom said he'd be home by midnight. I sat up to read a book and knit until he came home.

Midnight passed, and...no husband. This has happened before, so I waited until 2 AM to call and make sure he was sober enough to drive and on his way home, which he assured me he was. An hour passed, and still no husband. I called at 3 AM, and he told me in a very sheepish voice that he was over at Amy's house, talking to her.

I asked him to come home and hung up before I could scream at him.

Another 45 minutes passed, and I was getting seriously pissed. I called again, and he was still there. This time, I did yell at him to get his ass home, and finally, he did.

He says nothing happened between them, and I do believe him, but shouldn't it have occurred to at least one of them that this was a Very Bad Idea? I'm of the opinion that it's not okay for a married man to go over to a single woman's house, without the company of others, at 2 AM. I told him that regardless of his good intentions, this is how affairs start, and he shouldn't be putting himself in a situation like that. Am I being ridiculous about this? They have been friends since high school, and with the divorce, she needed someone to talk to, but I still think he shouldn't have gone up to her house (he had to drive her home, as she was too drunk to drive.) I trust him - I don't believe that he'd go over to her house with less-than-pure intentions - but he's putting himself in a very dangerous situation, and that makes me uncomfortable.

I hate to play the role of the nagging wife. I don't want to be angry with him; I don't want to feel like a mom whose kid has stayed out past curfew. But as the woman who takes care of the children so he can go out and have fun, don't I deserve to at least know where he is and when he'll be coming home? Am I being unreasonable?

-Waiting for Godot


Dear Mrs.Godot,Collapse )
 

8/10/05 12:56 pm - drsnackamonk

Dear Dr. Snackmonkeh,

A boy wants to touch me "down there" but all my friends say I have fish
"down there." What can I do so that the boy doesn't touch the fish?

Sincerely,

A Fishy Situation


Dear FishbaitCollapse )
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8/10/05 10:53 am - ramalama

Dear Dr. Snackamonkehsnackeroomonkeymonkeymonkeysnax:

My life sux. I must change my life drastically. I am ready (but skeered) to be bold, but I just don't know what to do. I want to quit my soul-killing job but I have no money. How can I start a grand new adventure with no dosh to live on? Plz advise (and send me money).

Miserable in Midwest
 

8/9/25 07:44 pm - drsnackamonk - Info and junk

Advice given, snackamonkey style! Ask us a question, ask us for advice about anything. Fashion, exercise, beauty, relationships, fandom, how to make desserts, whatever! We will do our best to answer. If you have medical or legal questions, we totally know doctors and lawyers, and if you're lucky, we might ask them questions for you!

There are two ways to do this:

1) You can email us at DrMonkeySnack @ gmail.com, and ask the question with a pseudonym (real name/internet names will NEVER be revealed) and we'll create a new post with your question and our answer. Comments will be on, so the peanut gallery can join in.

2) Or, you can create a post with a new question, and we will answer them in comments. Again, all comments are welcome.*

Comments from members, friends, and passersbys are welcome on all posts. If you have more advice to give, or some useful information, pass it along!

Any questions? Ask them on this post.


*Except flames, monkey-bashing or snack-hate. All of that, plus spam and other nastiness? BAHLEETED!

Disclaimer: We are not actually doctors or licensed mental health professionals. Nor are we actual monkeys or snacks. Follow advice at your own risk. We accept no responsibility for bad outcomes.
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8/9/05 04:03 pm - drmonkeysnack

Dear Dr MonkeySnack,

I have this...let's call her a friend, although it's been awhile since I've felt that friendly towards her. I've known her for some years now, and in the last year or so things have gotten increasingly frustrating. I swear, she wasn't this person when we first met. She was kind and sweet and thoughtful and I liked her a lot. But in the last year, she's changed. One of the biggest problems is her total and complete lack of self-awareness. She's convinced that she's this passionate, opinionated, intelligent, strong-minded person, when in fact she's hysterical, capricious and pig-headed and completely incapable of dealing with a reasonable debate, and she's completely lost touch with the sweetness and thoughtfulness which used to be her chief virtues. She gets extremely defensive every time someone disagrees with her, and has taken to the "I have a right to an opinion" school of debate, which drives me completely fucking batshit insane. There are a lot of concrete reasons for the changes, but regardless, she's become an endlessly frustrating person, and I'm feeling less and less friendly with each day.

Anyway, I'm not the only one who feels this way amongst our mutual friends, and recently there was a bit of a stink which resulted in a period of estrangement between her and most of the group. And then she started making friends again, wanting to hang out, emailing, etc etc. And at first, I was happy. She apologised for some of her more toolish behaviour, and she seemed to be getting a grip. Only, after awhile of hanging out with her again, it was an illusion. She hasn't changed. She's still Ms KneeJerk '05. And after various uncomfortable and frustrating discussions with her, most of which involved her apparent determination to take everything I said and spin it into something she could actually cope with, I'm finding myself right back where I was before the stink, and wishing I hadn't gotten back into this with her. I wish her well, I'm just not sure I wish her me at this point.

The thing is, I'm in a situation where I have to see her almost daily and she grates on my nerves incessantly. There is a way that I could get out of it, but it would be a loud, public way of saying that I didn't want to talk to her any more, and I'm very conflict averse, by and large, and that would almost certainly draw more people into it (and by almost certainly, I mean DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA), and I don't want to put any of our remaining mutual friends through that.

So, what do I do? Is it worth trying to tell her these things, especially my irritation about her determination to misunderstand me? Is it even worth the stress? Is this a friendship that's dead and should just be buried and she dealt with like a ghost, mildly irritating but easy to walk through? Or is there any point in trying to work things out with her? Should I just continue to smile and nod and complain about her behind her back? Should I find a way to avoid her as much as possible and just grin and bear any encounters I can't avoid?

And if I should just deal with it as something that's inevitably on the peripheries of my life, how do I make it less annoying??

Unfriendly in Uzbekistan


Dear UziCollapse )
 

8/9/05 03:42 pm - drsnackamonk

Dear Snackamonk:

I am convinced I am a wizard (my staff even has a knob at the end!) but Hogwarts has not yet sent me a letter. What's up? What's the proper etiquette to complain to the man in charge?

Love,

Distressed but magically delicious


Dear Lucky CharmsCollapse )
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