drsnackamonk (drsnackamonk) wrote in asksnackmonkey,
drsnackamonk
drsnackamonk
asksnackmonkey

Dear Snackamonk:

I am convinced I am a wizard (my staff even has a knob at the end!) but Hogwarts has not yet sent me a letter. What's up? What's the proper etiquette to complain to the man in charge?

Love,

Distressed but magically delicious


Dear Lucky Charms,

Well, it looks like you have a few choices. You could write to Hogwarts and demand to know why you haven't received your letter yet. Are you from a magical family? You might have some relatives who have pull with Dumbledore. Don't make the mistake of leaving strings unpulled. Nepotism can only help you in this situation.

You could give up on Hogwarts. I mean, how much better is it to be the only magical kid in a regular school? You'll totally stand out! Are you a metamorphagus? I bet you are - changing your looks at will can make you one of the coolest kids in school. Plus, you can use your, uh, staff to enchant your textbooks so they give you all the answers.

Or, finally, you can go with the time-honored tradition of starting an LJ community to bitch about it. hogwarts_sucks can cater to people like yourself, youths deprived for some bizarre reason (but I bet that bitch JKR had something to do with it, because as we've seen from the Harmonians, she delights in crushing people's hopes and dreams) of an entrance letter. You could even post long, scathing screeds about how stupid Hogwarts is and you wouldn't go there now if they asked and that you're going to start your own wizarding school which will be much much better!

Good luck to you, my leprechaunish friend!
Dr Snackamonk
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