drsnackamonk (drsnackamonk) wrote in asksnackmonkey,

Dear Dr. Snackmonkey,

My issue is one that revolves around a boy. Yes, a boy. Anyway, my situation thus far is this:

I recently met this guy, Gio (alias), and I've gotten advice about him from two friends. Friend A, an extremely close friend, said not to get involved with him. When asked why, Friend A replies that Gio is very much so into sex, and if sex is held back, then Gio'll break things off with the girl. Friend B, who is a friend, but closer to Gio, says that Gio really does like me and that he has never known Gio to break up with a girl simply because she refused to give him sex.

I am not a prude, but neither do I take sex lightly. If he pressures me for sex, then I'll obviously retaliate and most likely be a bit angry at him. But I don't want to become attached to a person who will treat me like that. However, as Friend B says, he "isn't like that," even though he has gotten around the block quite a few times.

The above is just background info. I pretty much know what I want to do in regards to that, though if you have any advice, my ears are open. :)

The situation comes down to this: I like him. He likes me. We both know this. But, he has also just recently gotten out of a relationship and though he told me he is interested me, that he likes me, he doesn't want a relationship "right now". My response to that was 'Okay, sure, we can take it slow.'

But I'm an impatient person. And, frankly, I'm extremely confused because we've held hands in public and will hug each other. Nothing at all sexual, but I have no idea where this line of "no relationship" is. Does he just mean that he doesn't want to be exclusive, yet, or he doesn't want others to view him as taken? I've covered this topic vaguely with him a couple times in the past few days, and I'm hesitant to ask him anything else because I don't want to nag him and have him annoyed with me, or something.

Anyway, thanks for any and all help.

Confused and slightly distressed,
Guys equate problems.

Hmmmm. This is a toughie.

First, just a comment on the background. From the details you've given, it seems like you don't know who to believe, Friend A or Friend B. You indicate that if Gio is the way Friend A describes, there's going to be problems, and it's hard to go into a relationship already knowing there will be problems. If you decide to enter into a relationship with Gio, you're going to have to go with Friend B's assesment. You need to give him the benefit of the doubt, and not enter into it suspicious or waiting for something to go wrong.

What it comes down to: you both like each other, and you both know it. But, if he tells you he doesn't want a relationship right now, that means he doesn't want a relationship right now. In other words, no girlfriend. So he's either looking for a friend with benefits, or he's asking you to wait until he's ready for a relationship.

I understand that you don't want to nag him or get him annoyed, but if you want to move on to whatever it is that comes next, you two need to discuss it. I'd say stop being vague, and do your best to get details on what exactly it is that he wants from a relationship with you. And then decide if that works with the relationship you want from him. For example, like you said, you're an impatient person - is his idea of "taking it slow" the same as yours? Does he want to take it slow for two years and you're thinking more like two months?

I think you guys just need to figure out if you're on the same page, or even in the same book, relationship -wise. Once you know that, you'll know how you want to go with it. But moving forward without any discussion, especially when you already have reservations, doesn't seem like the way to go.

Drs. Snacky and Monkey
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